My car failed its contrôle technique last month so I’m taking it to be fixed tomorrow.
Thing is, it was a bit grubby. The man who did the MOT
remarked – between guffaws- that moss was sprouting from the window frames. I
was mortified.
So today, I bravely ventured to the car wash.
Now, I have been avoiding this for years (hence the
moss). Anything mechanical or electronic terrifies me. I do not understand
instructions and invariably I end up getting it all wrong. Filling my tank with
LPG is one example. The instructions make no sense to me and the last time I
attempted it (after asking for help from a charming young man), I only managed
to put in a few millilitres. Apparently, you’re supposed to keep your finger
pressed on that green button. It didn’t say that, though, on the instructions.
I’ve also replaced my windscreen wipers and put the new
ones on backwards, tried to wrench open a massive industrial container at the
tip in order to dispose of my old printer (You’re meant to put it on the
table next to the container! yelled an alarmed council worker) and
please don’t ask me to change the clock on my cooker when the time comes – I’ll
just break it.
So I was very, very nervous as I tootled along to Top O Net this morning, hoping that it would be deserted and that I could fumble
incompetently without an audience.
No such luck. There were loads of people and when it was
my turn, I had to ask for help because I didn’t know where to put my money,
which button to press or where the hosepipe thingy was.
Once I’d understood, it was all rather fun. Hot, soapy
water shooting out of the hose at high pressure, swishing away all that plant
material. Easy-peasy.
Then it stopped. No problem – I just dropped the hose
and ran to put in another coin, which wasn’t very clever of me as the hose came
to life again, jerking wildly all over the place as I tried to catch it before
it made a break for freedom.
Red-faced and dripping, I finished the job and moved on
to the vacuum cleaner ahead.
After a minute or two pressing several button-shaped
protuberances which weren’t buttons at all, I realised that the machine hadn’t
accepted my one-euro coin, so I put in a two-euro coin and whooooosh – we were
off !
But two euros buys you quite a lot of hoovering time. I’d
vacuumed the floor, the seats, the pockets, the boot and it was still sucking
away while an impatient queue was forming behind me. So I sat inside and
hoovered everything that could possibly be hoovered : the clutch pedal,
the gearstick, the radio, my feet…
Finally, it stopped and, donning my dark glasses, I
made my exit with as much dignity as I could muster.
My car is parked outside now, sparkling in the afternoon
sun and I shall drive it to the garage tomorrow without a hint of shame.
My next exciting project will be the assembling of a
bookcase from Ikea.
I’ll let you know…
