Sunday, August 19, 2018

At the car wash, yeah





My car failed its contrôle technique last month so I’m taking it to be fixed tomorrow.

Thing is, it was a bit grubby. The man who did the MOT remarked – between guffaws- that moss was sprouting from the window frames. I was mortified.

So today, I bravely ventured to the car wash.

Now, I have been avoiding this for years (hence the moss). Anything mechanical or electronic terrifies me. I do not understand instructions and invariably I end up getting it all wrong. Filling my tank with LPG is one example. The instructions make no sense to me and the last time I attempted it (after asking for help from a charming young man), I only managed to put in a few millilitres. Apparently, you’re supposed to keep your finger pressed on that green button. It didn’t say that, though, on the instructions.

I’ve also replaced my windscreen wipers and put the new ones on backwards, tried to wrench open a massive industrial container at the tip in order to dispose of my old printer (You’re meant to put it on the table next to the container! yelled an alarmed council worker) and please don’t ask me to change the clock on my cooker when the time comes – I’ll just break it.

So I was very, very nervous as I tootled along to Top O Net this morning, hoping that it would be deserted and that I could fumble incompetently without an audience.





No such luck. There were loads of people and when it was my turn, I had to ask for help because I didn’t know where to put my money, which button to press or where the hosepipe thingy was.

Once I’d understood, it was all rather fun. Hot, soapy water shooting out of the hose at high pressure, swishing away all that plant material. Easy-peasy.

Then it stopped. No problem – I just dropped the hose and ran to put in another coin, which wasn’t very clever of me as the hose came to life again, jerking wildly all over the place as I tried to catch it before it made a break for freedom.

Red-faced and dripping, I finished the job and moved on to the vacuum cleaner ahead.

After a minute or two pressing several button-shaped protuberances which weren’t buttons at all, I realised that the machine hadn’t accepted my one-euro coin, so I put in a two-euro coin and whooooosh – we were off !

But two euros buys you quite a lot of hoovering time. I’d vacuumed the floor, the seats, the pockets, the boot and it was still sucking away while an impatient queue was forming behind me. So I sat inside and hoovered everything that could possibly be hoovered : the clutch pedal, the gearstick, the radio, my feet…

Finally, it stopped and, donning my dark glasses, I made my exit with as much dignity as I could muster.

My car is parked outside now, sparkling in the afternoon sun and I shall drive it to the garage tomorrow without a hint of shame.

My next exciting project will be the assembling of a bookcase from Ikea.

I’ll let you know…









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