You know that thing you can do on a computer called System Restore, where you can go back to a previous state in the event of a failure? Well…do you think it could work on humans?
You see, I’ve had a horrible two weeks. If I could go back in time to, say, 21st January and then just not do this bit again, I would be very grateful.
It started with the legal separation that I did not want…not only did I have to fork out money I didn’t have for the train fare and the hotel in Perpignan but I also got to watch the man I love walk away from me yet again while, at Perpignan Station, I sat down and wept…
It wasn’t quite like that. We had a nice day out really, having lunch and doing a bit of sightseeing… I think I should have at least tried to strangle him or strangle the lawyer or throw myself into the river Têt…but no. He bought me lunch and I bought him a book at the FNAC and then he walked me to the station and said goodbye.
And that was that.
A few days later I flew to England with my three girls to see my little sister get married. It was lovely and I cried buckets although whether they were for her or for me, I’m not sure. I took lots of wonderful photographs and then someone erased them all from my camera…all I’ve got to remind me of the day are a couple of close-ups of somebody’s thumb and a picture of a light fixture. Actually, I think that I’m jinxed where romantic photography is concerned. The only picture I have from my honeymoon is of a seagull on Snowdon…
Back home, things were not about to get better. On Thursday night, the water heater exploded. I was in my bedroom listening to that scary bit from Carmina Burana – you know, this bit:
...when I heard a loud bang. I thought it was part of the music so I didn’t investigate. However, when I went to the kitchen an hour later there was - to paraphrase Coleridge - water, water everywhere…and none of it in the sink. A veritable Niagra Falls was gushing from the boiler and into my bathroom, living room and hallway…
I managed to mop it all up and I called the maintenance people the next day. They sent a raving lunatic who talked to himself and the boiler incessantly and seemed dangerously upset when he realised he would have to do more than tweak a screw or push a button to get it going again. He left muttering threats (I think) and said someone would phone me when the required spare part was in stock.
So, here we are, shivering and smelly once more and fighting over the hot water bottle (I really must buy a couple more of those). A friend did lend me an electric heater which I joyfully plugged in and around which we all huddled... until after a while, something began to smell. Unplugging the heater, I saw that the socket was turning brown and the plug had melted (why, why??)…
I imagined things couldn’t get worse…could they?
Well, it depends on what you think of mice. Both headless ones on your kitchen floor and noisy ones hiding somewhere behind the loo. Oh gosh, that’s worse…much worse…
So, what about this System Restore? My hard drive has definitely defragmented - I’m already freezing…and I don’t want to crash!
