TEFL

If there’s anyone out there who would like to offer me a job that doesn’t involve explaining the present perfect to retired postal workers or prepositions to three year olds, then I’m up for it. Nearly all my life I’ve Taught-English-As-A-Foreign-Language and I’ve never grown to enjoy it let alone be good at it. But when you live in a foreign country and you’re looking for work – well – it seems the obvious choice.

The retired postal workers are good fun although sometimes things can get out of hand. Yesterday, I lost control of the class when I started talking about pennies. Now, 'pennies' has never struck me as being a particularly rude word but suddenly I found myself in a Gallic version of a Carry On film. And as soon as everyone started pronouncing ‘pennies’ à la française, I realised why…

The three year-olds are another kettle of fish all together. The classes take place in the home of one of the children who, because he is chez lui, just does what he likes and screams for maman when he’s not happy. Two little girls spend most of the time spinning around on their bottoms on the very shiny, slippery parquet flooring, another two children are bouncing on the sofa, one plays with his Game Boy, another tries to steal the flashcards and one little girl sobs quietly all the way through. The point is, none of them listens to a word I say.

If anyone can suggest an alternative way I could earn my living without going insane, please email me immediately. In the meantime, I have a few dangling participles to deal with before tomorrow…